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lilchelles


A place to vent, ask for advice, and share my life.



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Friends Only! [
Posted on January 02, 2010 @ 8:12 pm
]



Comment to be added!
:)

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The End of Med - Part III [
Posted on September 28, 2009 @ 10:03 pm
]
[ mood | stressed ]

The week after the beach house, I texted Matt to see how his first day went (Tuesday), then on Thursday (his birthday). It was KILLING ME not talking to him. I couldn't believe how much I wanted to be with him and not in my own apartment with Ed. On his birthday, he put on his facebook that he would be at a certain bar on Friday to celebrate. All I wanted to do was go and surprise him even though I was supposed to have cut him off.

So I did. I went to the bar and tapped him on the shoulder. He turned around, and his reaction was priceless when he saw me. He gave me the biggest hug and couldn't stop saying, "OMG! I can't believe you're here." For the rest of the night, we walked around, hand in hand, and he introduced me to his friends and a few cousins who were there. People were buying him shots like crazy, but he was trying to act sober for me, which cracked me up. It felt so right being with him, and I knew the scales were tipping in his direction. I slept at my cousin's that night, then went to my friends' apartment the next day. I talked to them about Matt, and they were like, "Invite him over, we want to meet him!" Matt came over and met my friends Jenn and Megan, and spending even more time with him made me make my decision - I wanted to break up with Ed and be with Matt. We both slept on their pull-out couch that night, and I told him my decision. He couldn't have been happier. :) He left the next day, and I spent the day with Jenn and Megan since I didn't want to go home. I knew I had to break up with Ed over the next couple of days, and I was in full panic mode. He got home late Sunday night though, so I had to wait until Monday.

Monday night, Ed came home, and I knew what I had to do. I had him sit down, and he pretty much knew what was coming. I told him that he never wanted to get married, and I just haven't been happy anymore. We both cried, and he apologized for stringing me along. We both felt it was for the best, and we would figure out the living situation another time. One thing he said that surprised me though - that yes, he didn't want to get married because of his view of marriage from his parents...but another reason that he never told me was that he thought that if we did get married, our differences would get in the way. Wow. Thanks for telling me NOW. But other than that, the breakup was calm. Funny thing was that when we were finishing up our discussion, all I wanted to do was leave and call Matt (which was the plan - he knew I would be calling afterwards). I told Ed that I would stay at Jenn and Megan's that night to give us some space. I called Matt on the way over, and I told him that I was okay. I was actually okay! I wasn't devastated, and I knew I had done the right thing. He was the happiest guy in the world that night. Jenn and Megan were shocked that I was so fine with things. I changed my status on facebook to single (tons of messages followed), and Matt changed his to "in a relationship."

I know, I know, it seems so rushed. Why not take time between relationships? But I was already in too deep with Matt. I was feeling things for him that I haven't felt in a long time. I knew I was falling for him, and there was no going back.

I saw him the next weekend on Saturday, and I was able to kiss him and...do other things...without the feeling of guilt. It was AMAZING. We just hung out, then went for some food. We knew his parents were returning from wherever they were, so when we got back from dinner, I had to meet the parents. EEK! They were adorable though, but I was nervous since they know the whole story (thanks to Matt's friend Justin). I went to a party that night, then went back to Matt's the next day. It was so great just hanging out and cuddling (he's such a cuddler) and all that coupley stuff with him. And the things he says to me...wow. I didn't want to leave at all. I had fallen for him.

This weekend was a nice 3-day weekend for everyone, so I went to Matt's Friday night and came home today. Friday night, we weren't planning on going anywhere, but his friend called and another friend of his just returned from Iraq, so we ended up at a bar at around midnight. He did more introducing, but this time, it was, "This is my girlfriend Michelle." :) We got back to his house, and we were cuddling on the couch (parents were away for the weekend). He suddenly seemed so nervous about something and kept doing this smiling, trying to speak but nothing was coming out kinda thing. He kept pulling his face back to focus on me. I knew what was going on, but I let him get it out in his own time. He then told me, "I think I love you." I had to give him a few moments to recover, lol. It was so cute, he was completely panicking. I told him that I love him too...and it's the truth. I had realized it the weekend before, but obviously wasn't going to say anything. He told me that at the bar that night, his friend asked him how things were going with us (I was talking with the guy's girlfriend), and Matt blurted out, "Great, I love her..." And they apparently both sat there going, "Uhhhh..." I wish I had seen that. But once we said our ILYs, it felt wonderful. I know, our relationship is going at warp speed, but it feels right (it's practically our motto). The rest of the weekend was amazing, and I had to drag myself away from him today.

As for Ed, we're sorta stuck in our lease right now, so we're still living together. He's sleeping on the couch. It's kinda like two friends living together at this point. I'm trying to find a way out of this, but it may take some time.

PHEW! That is the drama of my life over the last month and a half, but it was worth it. I'm deliriously happy with Matt even though I had to go through a lot to be with him. :)

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The End of Med - Part II [
Posted on September 23, 2009 @ 9:30 pm
]
[ mood | uncomfortable ]

I reread my last entry and saw that I left out a VERY important part to the story, but I have to backtrack a bit. In the beginning of August, Ed and I had another marriage talk. I realized that he's never going to want to get married, and if he is, it's YEARS upon YEARS off. So I started August, before Matt came along, with that heavy on my mind.

Back to the story. So I had officially fooled around with another guy, and was the most confused person EVER. That was Saturday. I went to talk to my friend Jenn on Sunday since I HAD TO GET IT OUT! Funny thing was that as I was talking about Matt, I couldn't get this goofy grin off my face. Why wasn't I feeling incredible guilt?? Jenn said that maybe I was with Ed because it was more habit than anything. It certainly gave me something to think about.

Matt texted me on Monday saying that he wanted to see me. I really did want to see him, but I didn't want to drive all the way to him (he lives almost an hour away) so we agreed to meet halfway at an Applebees. It felt awful, like I was wearing a big neon sign that said, "I'M CHEATING ON MY BOYFRIEND." We walked in and OF COURSE someone I knew was working there! He was a guy from college, someone I had a small history with, and someone in a fraternity. We got the hell outta there and went to a diner down the road. It felt so dirty, but I loved spending some time with him, and he was telling me how much he wanted to be with me. Total and utter confusion. I was starting school that week so I couldn't see him anymore, but he was going to be at his beach house on Saturday and he wanted me to go. At first, I said no way...but I caved. I couldn't stay away.

So the beach house...

He introduced me to a bunch of his friends, who are pretty cool, then took me out to dinner. We actually went on a DATE. But at dinner, I talked to him about everything. I needed to cut him off for a little bit. I told him that I needed to figure out what was going on with Ed without him as a distraction. He knew it was coming (I had hinted at it during the week), but he hated it so much. But he said that if that's what it takes for us to be together, he'll smile his way through it. After dinner, we went onto the beach. Full moon and all...and people started setting off fireworks. We went for a moonlit stroll on the beach, hand in hand. It was the most romantic night of my life. We made out on the beach (and got eaten up by bugs!) and looked up at the stars. Straight out of a movie again! We went back to the beach house and drank a few beers with his friends. Then we moved into the bedroom...

I left the next day, knowing I was cutting him off for awhile...except it was a bad week for that. Tuesday was his first day of school (he's a replacement art teacher at a middle school, so not only do we have the replacement thing in common, we have being teachers in common....and Ed and I have NOTHING in common). Thursday was his birthday. I couldn't NOT text him on those days, but he was off limits besides that.

But I got home on Sunday and found Ed sleeping. He was supposed to be at work! I asked him what he was doing, and he said he, "just needed a day off." Um...he did the pig roast the day before, and he had the next day (Labor Day) off. So he couldn't pay rent for the month (I covered for him) yet he was taking days off. He got pissed that I brought it up a couple of times and went to his friend's house. Wow. I had Matt on the brain and I was finally coming out of denial about my future with Ed.



Part III coming soon...

Comment

The End of Med. [
Posted on September 16, 2009 @ 10:15 pm
]
[ mood | sick ]

Well, I'm sure everyone is curious about how Med suddenly became no more. This doesn't paint me in a good light, but it is what it is, and I'm happy now. So...here goes nothin'.

I think it was in my last entry that I mentioned some camp crush (Matt). Yeah...well, we started talking more, and it was definitely a crush. The difference this time was that I knew he liked me. He really wanted to hang out outside of camp. We did at the staff party even though I was so sick that I don't know how I stood for as long as I did without passing out. At one point, he touched my back - yep, he definitely liked me, and I liked what I felt. Oh boy. He walked me to my car, but I hugged him and went home. He was inviting me to go to some party the next day (last day of camp), but I couldn't drink because my stomach was really bad, and I wouldn't really know anyone else there, so I declined. We made plans by text message to hang out the following week and grab a drink. In those texts, he told me how beautiful I was. Whoa. I had no idea he thought about me like that. And yes, he knew I had a boyfriend. We hung out the next Thursday (August 27th). It was SO MUCH FUN. We laughed and shared stories and it was so comfortable and natural. He told me that he liked me all summer, but didn't talk to me because he knew I had a boyfriend. After awhile, he was like, "Fuck it." I was pretty shocked that he had been eyeing me that long. I told him that I had thought he was cute, but yeah, I had that boyfriend of almost 8 years at home. We went back to his place where I went to go home, and he tried to kiss me. I told him I couldn't even though I wanted to...and I really wanted to. But he texted me later that he couldn't stop smiling even if his advances were rejected, lol. He texted me the next day to see if I wanted to hang out that weekend, and even though I knew it was dangerous, I didn't want to stay away. I went back to his place that Saturday, and we went out for a drink again. I met some of his friends, and they sat on the other side of the booth. When I had switched to his side, my will-power was gone. We went out to his car, and he kissed me...and I let him that time. Yes, I felt guilty, but not as much as I should've. We spent the rest of the night holding hands and whatnot. We went back to his house, and I couldn't drive home yet since I had too many drinks (and no, none of this happened because of the beer), so we walked inside, and he kissed me again. I was done. We ended up making out on his bed, and he held me, and told me how much it felt right with me. I couldn't deny it. This may be TMI, but I hadn't had a sex drive in forever...and it reappeared that night with Matt (not that we had sex). I was the most confused person on the face of the planet.

To Be Continued...

Comment

chelles_icons [
Posted on April 01, 2007 @ 11:56 pm
]
[ mood | creative ]


*UPDATED*

chelles_icons
chelles_icons
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*chugs* [
Posted on August 16, 2006 @ 7:10 pm
]
[ mood | confused ]

What. A. Day.

First, let me set up abbreviations for the school districts.

South Brunswick = SB (the school I worked at last year)
North Brunswick = NB
East Brunswick = EB

Got it?

Okay, so it all started with a voicemail from my principal from SB. He knows I'm still waiting for an answer from my interview with NB, but he's kinda needing an answer for HIM about if I'm committing to the kindergarten position for the first half of this year.

Fuuuuuuck.

So I tried to get a hold of the people from NB to see if they made a decision yet, but the school doesn't have power because of construction, so I had to call the board office. I told them my situation, and they said they would try to get a hold of the principal and get back to me. I didn't hear from them. I finally left a message on the SB principal saying that I still don't know.

I go home stressed to the max when I get a call from the human resources person from EB. I've interviewed for them twice, but this person LOVES me and told me that. She has a couple of openings they need to interview for on Monday - and they're only interviewing like 4 people, me being one of them. She really likes me, but the principals I've interviewed with needed certain personalities to go with the other teachers. I explained EVERYTHING to her. By the time Monday came, I would be going through new teacher training at SB OR already have a permanent job in NB. She wants to keep in touch though because of mid-year maternity leaves.

I was in the middle of bitching to Ed about all this when my principal from SB beeps in. I told him about EB. He's willing to let me go on the interview and if I get it, scramble to fill my position. He's being SUPER nice about all of this, but he knows I have a good chance of getting screwed mid-year if I work for him.

So I called EB back. I have an interview with two principals on Monday since new teacher training that day is kinda optional, and I'll know by that night if I got either job. She also has a middle school math position interview waiting in the wings if these don't work out (I freakin' LOVE her).

So tomorrow, I'll find out about NB and let SB know. If I didn't get it, I'll find out by Monday night if I'm working in SB or EB.

*head spinning*

Yeah, I'm drinking a beer right now.

If you made it through this post and understood it, have a beer yourself.

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Happy Cranky Day! [
Posted on August 15, 2006 @ 8:25 pm
]
[ mood | grumpy ]

I think everyone at work, including myself, was cranky today.

Which is why I'm having a nice, tall glass of wine right now. :)

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Can I go back to Thursday? [
Posted on August 14, 2006 @ 9:27 pm
]
[ mood | thoughtful ]

I looooved this weekend!

Thursday was the staff party! Myself, Jenn, and Megan got all dolled up and went to Lory's (a bar) to meet up with the over 21 staff members. I love seeing everyone in non-camp clothes. One of my fave people at camp is Shari. She's a mother of three, and one of the sweetest people ever. That night, she was one sexy mama!!

Par-tay!Collapse )

Once drunk enough, we went down the road to the party. No one really finished eating - the dance floor was calling us. I danced for about three hours straight. People were a little surprised about how I become when I dance, lol. I used my friend Elyse as a pole, and gave Craig a tiny lap dance. Even Shari was getting down on the dance floor. We had a BLAST!

Then a lot of people wanted to go to New Brunswick to the bars, but we went back to Lory's instead. New Brunswick is tiring and we'd have to park far away and we still had work the next day. The head people showed up (basically everyone who runs the whole camp), and Randy bought TONS of food for us, and everyone had some drinks. Good times had by all. :)

Friday? Wow. I was walking around with my sunglasses on for a looong time. I went to the docs for my follow-up for my concussion, and got lights in my eyes and I had to walk a straight line. I think it was easier when I had my head injury, lol. THEN I had to go to Ed's hockey game and hear pucks being slammed against the wall right in front of me. Yeah, I went to bed early that night.

Saturday night, Ed and I hung out with our friends Will and Leighanna, who recently got engaged. We went on a water taxi, which took us to 5 different bars on a bay in Point Pleasant. We all spent way too much money, but it was worth it. Will and Leighanna are working on Ed with the whole marriage thing, but he does seem more up to the idea. He even said that when he buys a ring, it's not going to be a tiny thing. It needs to be big and lavish. Good boy. ;) And he wants to do a lot of the wedding planning. I love how the two of them brought out that side of him! lol

Today was back to camp. It's the last week. I'm gonna miss it. :(

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"What a c***rag." [
Posted on August 09, 2006 @ 7:39 pm
]
[ mood | enraged ]

The subject line was a direct quote from my friend when I told her how I started my day at camp.

Morning meeting had just ended and I was chatting with some campers when this BITCH of a division leader decided it was time to fucking LECTURE me about my job. She was in my face, telling me I put up too many pictures of the same kids and that I really need to stop. I didn't know what to do, so I just nodded along.

I went to vent to Megan and just broke down. I started crying right in the middle of the junior soccer field.

I went into the office to upload pictures and to calm down. The bitch happened to be coming out of the office at that time, noticed something was wrong, and came back in to ask me if I was okay. No, I'm not okay! She asked if it was because of what she said. I almost lost it. I'm half crying, half yelling at her, saying that the only person I need to answer to is Randy (the boss) and he thinks I'm doing great, so I don't need to be told how to do my job. She said that she would go through Randy from now on. Ten minutes later, Randy comes in, comes over to me, and simply said that I was doing a great job as I'm holding back tears. She had obviously gone straight to him.

In the words of Jenn: "What a c***rag."

Read (1) Comment

Subject line goes here. [
Posted on August 08, 2006 @ 10:22 pm
]
[ mood | moody ]

I don't know WHAT has been going on with me. My moods lately have been all over the place. I spend most of the day in this very happy-go-lucky mood, then the smallest thing will piss me the hell off.

SoapZone? Not helping.

Although I had a better day than my friend at work. She felt lightheaded and went to the nurse who asked her if there was a chance she was pregnant. If it were true, it could've been the division leader she slept with a few weeks ago who has a girlfriend. Luckily another friend of ours had a pregnancy test in her car (?!?) so she was able to clear that up very quickly.

Thursday can't come fast enough for all of us.

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"Wow! Cool! Superman, you wanna play?" [
Posted on August 06, 2006 @ 10:16 pm
]
[ mood | bitchy ]

Things That Suck:
1. My 6-disc CD changer in my car that I just got reinstalled because it was broken? I can't figure out how to actually have more than one disc in there.
2. My DVD/VCR player? I can't figure out how to record or even work the VCR part of it.
3. GH this week. Ew.
4. I had an AWFUL headache all day yesterday. It's actually a good thing I didn't go to Ed's Friday night. But dammit, the concussion symptoms won't go away!

Things That Rule:
1. Back to work tomorrow!
2. Staff party on Thursday! We're ALL getting sexified and liquored up! There will be pictures. ;)
3. This picture. Does anyone know if there were other versions of this shot?
4. I bought Lois & Clark season 2 on Friday to cheer me up. I heart them. :)

Read (9) Comment

Miserable. [
Posted on August 04, 2006 @ 4:09 pm
]
[ mood | morose ]

My parents and the doctor don't think it's a great idea to drive an hour away to see Ed tonight since I'm still having symptoms. Ed was going to come here tomorrow anyway to rip down an old shed in our yard, but this fucking sucks. This is the second short weekend in a row for us, and I feel like I should just suck it up and go since I've been driving around the last couple of days anyway. I know that whatever decision I make, I'll regret it.

I guess I'll just stay home and cry.

Read (2) Comment

Oh, the confusion! [
Posted on August 02, 2006 @ 9:50 pm
]
[ mood | sore ]

This whole job thing is just confusing the bleep outta me. I can't even get into details because my head hurts but I'm not going to know where I'm working until at least the 14th.

I could go for a chocolate M&M blizzard from DQ right now.

Project Runway is on next! Yay for entertainment! I hated that Katherine was out last week. I need for either Angela or Vincent to go. Right now, I'm rooting for Kayne and Uli.

Read (1) Comment

It's official. [
Posted on August 02, 2006 @ 12:04 pm
]
[ mood | moody ]

I tried going to work.

They sent me home.

I finally went to the doctors, and I officially have concussion #3. I went for a CAT scan, which was clear.

But I'm not allowed to go to work for the rest of the week. :(((((

*sitting on my ass twiddling my thumbs*

Read (2) Comment

Irked. [
Posted on August 01, 2006 @ 6:04 pm
]
[ mood | uncomfortable ]

I tried going to work today. I drove for about 10 minutes, but I was spacing out and my headache was returning. I called out and went back home to go to bed.

I checked the camp website, and someone else took pictures today. I have to admit that I'm a little uncomfortable with that. I feel all territorial, like it's MY job! Step away from the camera, bitch!

Now I don't care how I feel tomorrow. I'm going to work, dammit.

Of course, they're not going to be thrilled that I have to leave a little early for an interview. Oops.

Read (2) Comment

Michelle vs. Soccer Ball [
Posted on July 31, 2006 @ 9:05 pm
]
[ mood | groggy ]

I got nailed in the face with a soccer ball today.

It was kicked by a 6-foot-something male counselor at somewhat close range. I was trying to take a picture of the action - instead, I took a picture as the ball left his foot about to hit me in the face.

I was more stunned than anything. I went to get ice and took some Advil since a headache had started. After that, I was walking around in a daze, completely out of it. Once the nausea began, I knew it was time to go home.

I definitely have a slight concussion. It's not as bad as the other two I've had. It's just sad that I had those other two to compare it to.

Read (3) Comment

Crazy-ass Week! [
Posted on July 30, 2006 @ 10:02 pm
]
[ mood | happy ]

Let's start on Tuesday. After work, several of us went to a bar. My work friends finally saw outside-of-camp-and-drunk me. :) They were a little shocked! The best part was when I opened my big fat drunk mouth and told them about the dream I had about the camp director. I'll never live that one down. I got home at 11 that night, but it was so worth it. :)

Wednesday is the day I bought my car, and Thursday was when we signed the papers and I took it home!!

Say goodbye to the Corsica...Collapse )

...and say hellooooo to Shaniqua!Collapse )

Unfortunately, while I was driving it to work on Friday, I realized the CD player didn't work. :( So I'm getting a new one this week, no charge.

I actually went out Friday night! Well, out being Emily's apartment. I had a couple glasses of wine, played some asshole, and hung out. 'Twas fun. :)

Ed's back from Ocean City! He was a very good boy. He called me everyday, and even told me on Friday night after he went to a bar/club that he wished I was there to dance dirty with, lol.

Must fold laundry now...

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OMGIMSOFREAKINEXCITED! [
Posted on July 26, 2006 @ 11:03 pm
]
[ mood | giddy ]

I BOUGHT A CAR TONIGHT!!!!!

A 2003 black Jeep Liberty!!!!

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!
Read (4) Comment

Meme Goodness [
Posted on July 24, 2006 @ 10:09 pm
]
[ mood | hungry ]

I can't simply highlight a line or two on my screen anymore. It ends up highlighting the whole page. WTF?

Borrowed from bedtimeforbonzo

be my lovah, won't you be my lovahCollapse )

Comment

Misc. Shit [
Posted on July 23, 2006 @ 10:26 pm
]
[ mood | indescribable ]

I love camp gossip! As the camp photographer who works in the office and gets to talk to everyone at camp whenever I want, I find out a lot of stuff.

Especially when one of my closest friends at camp has sex with a division leader who has a girlfriend but also tried to hook up with someone else at camp who now has a huge crush on him.

Said division leader is apparently...well-equipped.

So now whenever I see said division leader walking around camp, that's what I think of.

*~*~*~*~*


My parents are home. Bah.

*~*~*~*~*


Ed and his roommate Jay are going to Ocean City, MD from Wednesday till Saturday. Jay is single, and his goal is to drink and get laid. Ed's role is the wingman. Am I happy about this? Not at all. But I'm not going to act like a controlling girlfriend by telling him so.

*~*~*~*~*


I've been loving the recaps from FCW! I'm feeling much better about this SIC crap, particularly the aftermath. :)
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